Living...Learn about my daughter

She is self-motivated, eager to learn, and enjoys challenges.
It seems the more she can't do something the harder she tries.
When mastering a skill, it is all she can think about: which is why we had problems with her sleep, she would awake in the night, because she felt she had to master those first year skills.  Now that she's walking, she sleeps through the night. 

She is the most observant little child.  At four months, she noticed when her daddy changed his hair.  At three months, she was paying attention to the food that we ate, she even wanted to try it.

She has the most wonderful sense of humor.  There have been times, when sitting across from me at the dinner table, she has made the funniest facial expressions and noises and the more I laugh the more she performs, she enjoys the sounds of laughter.

She's fearless.

At 10 months old, she loves the water, even went rafting down the willamette river.

She is a true adventurer.

She loves dancing, books, music, and making mischief.

There has been so much that I have learned about my darling little girl.  But what I have noticed most is her intuitive, good-hearted nature.Without prompting, she gives kisses, and lately, when I hold her and pat her back, she pats mine.  It is the sweetest little gesture.  It shows me that already, she is capable of reciprocating comforting, loving actions on her own.  That loving others is something that she desires. 

She is so full of life.  What a lucky mommy I am. 

Having a baby was the best thing I ever did.  Having Ella was best gift the earth has ever given. 

Living...Listen to live music in the park.

This summer has been filled with so many wonderful adventures.  I have been blessed to share Ella's first summer with so many people who love her, and as her first birthday approaches, I feel both excitement and apprehension.  She is not my petite enfant any longer.  My little bundle has turned into a social butterfly.  My parents, my Uncle, Joe, Ella, and I attended the Bite of Salem this year and where other years it has been disappointing, this year was a blast. 

There was food:

Shopping:

Some really beautiful Peruvian bags and sweaters, I loved the colors and the fabrics.

And of course, live music.  They were a couple of jazz bands that were pretty awesome, not to mention a couple of drunk people who were really getting down.

I took a picture of this girl because I thought her outfit was beautiful and unique.  An interesting specimen.

My dad danced with Ella

Joe and I danced.
And my mom socialized.

It was good fun.  We'll see about next year.

Ella's new friend Miley couldn't stop kissing her, it was too cute. 

Cranky babies, vampires, and the subconscious

The last few days I have been feeling completely drained.  Yesterday, Ella received another set of vaccinations and Joe and I discovered her first tooth popping through.  This has been making her very cranky, and in turn, I have been feeling more and more like I may explode.  She has a runny nose and I try to clean her face, she screams.  I go to change a very poopy diaper, again she screams.  She takes a bath every night, and every night I put her lotion on, put on her pajamas, and brush her hair; this is something I know she expects, but she still protests, as if this a completely new and puzzling experience.  Needless to say, her behavior lately, has been sucking out the fun and enthusiasm I normally have for motherhood.   

I try exceptionally hard, to be patient and compassionate.  So much so, that I'm trying to solve these problems in my dreams.  This afternoon, while taking a nap, I had the strangest dream about vampires, Ella, and lot's of other crazy stuff that would make no sense to anyone, not even my own conscious mind.  When I awoke, I thought to myself, "what was that about?"  So I began to analyze my own dream.  What could it mean? 

There are a few main points:
1.  Ella became a vampire, but at the end of the dream, it turned out she wasn't a vampire at all, and she ended up saving the day.  (How an 8 month old achieved such a feat, I don't know, but anything is possible within the mind.)

2.  There were many rooms and corridors in the dream.


3.  There was a large fire and also quite a conflict, and oddly this annoying rottweiler who always jumped in our yard to play in the pool.  So random. 

What a gather from these parts of the dream was rather interesting.  My very own mind was trying to work out the conflicting feelings, I was experiencing about my dealings, with Ella. 

Here's my final analysis. 

In almost every vampire story, a few things are true: 1) vampires drain people, animals, ect., to survive, 2) they never "sleep", and 3) they can be quite mysterious. 
Here my brain was comparing Ella to a vampire (morbid as that seems).  I have been struggling with feeling overwhelmed, Ella isn't sleeping well, and I have difficulty at times, figuring out exactly what I can do to help her understand or just feel better. 

The many corridors and rooms, was symbolic of my brain searching for different solutions to my dilemma. 

The most obvious was the conflict, the vampires vs. us humans.  Before I went to sleep I was feeling very conflicted.  I love Ella dearly, but I was struggling with feeling very tired of her, which makes me feel terrible. 

In the end, it was all a big ruse.  Ella was still a human and she actually saved the day and tricked the other vampires.  I feel this was my brain's way of discovering that things are not "always what they seem," and that "this too shall pass." 

That is the conclusion I have come to.  At the end of a couple of long, laborious days, Ella will return to her normal, sunny self, but she will also have bad days, and that will end as quickly as it begins. 

As odd as the dream was, my subconscious put it all together and worked out the conflict within me, and I had to do nothing but sleep.  Pretty interesting stuff. 

I do not believe dreams hold prophecies or answers from above, but they do help us figure out our own conflicts and if one is paying attention, what is really bothering us.

I have been rambling on now, for some time, but I thought the dream was really interesting, so I'd thought I'd share. 

I love my little girl, she is amazing, wonderful, beautiful, and perfectly herself.  I just hope that my frustration with her can be forgiven.  I always make it a point to apologize for my cranky behavior at the end of the day, and let her no I'm not perfect, but that I wish I could be for her. 

There is so much to learn when it comes to being a mother.  I thank my little girl, for giving me the time, to learn it all. 

She really has saved me and she saves me every day effortlessly.

Labels

There was a time where I fancied myself an intellectual, a tragic poet, but now I realize there is no label for who I have become.  There are days when I wish I was an edgy artist or a high fashion, New York City girl, but my traditional and somewhat practical nature allows it not. 

My mind is filled with the "Sound of Music."  I am not a progressive person unless it comes to my ideals.  My heart will always lie in the more simple times. 

I find myself running up hills, singing in the sun.

It's funny, I have a feeling Ella will be the same way too.

All hail the sun.  Voices.  Song.
The song of ourselves. 

And wonderful, gorgeous, dedicated husbands. 

Introduce Ella to as many animals as possible.

So Ella has met exotic animals at the zoo, become all too familiar with domestic animals, a la Cosmo and the dog park, and yesterday she learned about animals with wings. 

There is this incredible little place in Central Salem, where hundreds of geese, ducks, and pigeons hang out, and people can feed them. 

I have to say, I was slightly intimidated by the 20 or so geese circling me, to receive a bit of bread.

Even so, I found it appropriate to get down to eye level.

There were a few geese brave enough to eat from my hand.

I pointed out the baby geese to Ella.  They were so adorable.  There soft down, had not yet turned into the feathers of the adults.

This goose gave Joe a nice hiss when he got too close to one of the babies.

It was truly inspiring to see all the birds living together in harmony.  It gives me faith that one day, humans may be able to live similarly. 

I really hope Ella enjoyed herself.  I want to go back and just watch their behavior, it is so fascinating.

What little girls are made of...

What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice,

And everything nice,

That's what little girls are made of.

 My little Ella's nursery.  This is what my little girl is made of.