The Verdict is in...

It's 10:48 and I'm up reading "The Fussy Baby Book," when it finally hits me. As a new mom, I have wrestled with every decision regarding Ella's care, I have second guessed myself to death, but the answer has always been right in front of me. All along, my instinct was driving my decisions. I can't believe I ever thought I shouldn't respond to Ella's cries. Not that she would let me anyway, but I realize now, ever fiber in my being screams out, "protect that baby, NOW!" I have decided, that is how it should be. More than anything, I want to be there for her. I want to be a source of security and comfort. She needs to know she can trust and that she is loved. When I am exhausted, this is harder to do, but imagining that she would ever, for an instant, feel like I wasn't there for her tears me apart. No more second guessing, we women are built with an internal alarm, when our children cry, that alarm sounds full blast. Why should it not? 

She is mine, my flesh and blood, she is my precious little angel, and the last thing I would want is to become desensitized to her needs. This makes me think, that already, Ella has taught me so much. I am glad that this high-need baby is my first, because she prepares the way for any others to get the best care possible. I am slowly learning to put my needs away on a back shelf, slowly learning to trust my own feelings, and learning from this great blessing, Ella, that I desire to nurture her with all my heart. Her well being is my greatest priority.
My love is unconditional.  I want her to know that from the start.