Having a baby brings with it a huge list of things to buy. Lately, I have grown a little tired of thinking about all the wants and needs, all the money it costs, and how it feels never-ending.
Maybe it's the heat, it's over 100 degrees here, 87 in the house with a/c, but I'm tired of wanting. I long for the simplicity of highschool summers: swimming in the river, walking around at night in the warm summer air, laughing at the ridiculousness of youth, laying on a blanket writing poetry and dreaming of what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I would like to spend my days floating on the river, reading books and drinking sweet tea, picking flowers, kissing Joe, and exploring with Cosmo.
I hope there comes a day soon, when the monetary wants will end-when I don't need anything-when Joe, Ella, Cosmo, and I can be free.
I hate that Joe has to worry about money, I hate that he has to worry period. I hate that it takes away from his quality of life. He deserves to be living every moment of it.
Sometimes the rules just suck. Sometimes life's terms are just not fair. Sometimes I would like to be a gypsy(I am bohemian after all-and french) and follow the wind, pack my family in a car, and see where it takes us. But alas, my frontal lobe kicks in, and I must think of the consequences.
I guess that's what the weekend is for: stealing a bit of our fantasies and making them a reality.
This feeling will pass, as most feelings of discontent do, but I hope one day I have the simple life I dream of, the life that Joe and I are choosing to create.
2 comments:
don't forget how amazing you are. you can do anything. I love you, and hope this wanting is replaced with great contentment. I defiantly know how you feel, though.
Lately, to help me with this same problem, the lines of a song have been floating around in my brain:
Have I done any good in the world today?
Have I helped anyone in need?
Have I cheered up the sad, or made someone feel glad?
If not I have failed indeed.
Has anyone's burden been lightened today
because I was willing to share?
Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way?
When they needed my help was I there.
So wake up and do something more
than dream of your mansions above.
Doing good is a pleasure
A joy beyond measure
A blessing of duty and love.
I hope it makes sense how it helps me. Mostly the line that says "wake up and do something more" because I spend a lot of time dreaming of my "mansions above." I swear half of my time is spent daydreaming of the day I will own a house with a garden and a backyard. And when the childbearing will be over for good! It's been really hard for me, and this song has helped me to keep it in perspective. Maybe it will help? Joe could sing it for you. :)
I sure love you.
You are too sweet. Thank you. I sure love you too.
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