The holiday season

I didn't take as many pictures this year, as would have liked to, it was a pretty crazy holiday season.  Fortunately, I did capture a few moments that I wish to never forget. 

Ella's first experience playing in snow.

Riding down the banister at Grandma's house.

Mommy and Ella's crazy make-up morning.

 Making cookies and delivering them to those we love, in true Christmas season fashion.

 Making gigantic messes.  Ella didn't even want to eat the dough, only play in all the sugar and flour.

Performing a ridiculous pseudo-ballet to one of my favorite Christmas classics: Tchaikovsky's, "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy."

Generally, I am a big holiday decorator, but this year funds were low, so my Christmas decoration's were humble, but still oh, so magical.

As this holiday season comes to a close, I wish you all a wonderful new year filled with peace, love, and joy.  I hope 2011 brings us all closer to our dreams, and closer to the magical world "somewhere over the rainbow."

Letters to my daughter 1

Dearest Ella,

When you get older, there is something I wish to give to you; when you get past the tumultuous, second-guessing, and confusing time of your adolescence, and you begin to see that it is possible your mom may know something (and perhaps may be cool again), I want to give you a picture.  I want to give you a photograph from your youth that embodies your true spirit; a photograph that radiates the pure, amazing, beautiful, and unique creature that you are.  My hope and wish is that when you are angry or sad or disappointed, or the pain seems too difficult to bear, you can reach into your pocket and pull out this picture, and it will bring you comfort and resolve.  I hope that when things get rough, this picture will remind you of the nature of your true being.  That you will be able to look at this picture, and say, “I’m doing this for you, the sweet, free child that I was and am.”  Life may cause you pain, bring tragedy, and sometimes it may feel as if you are shattered, but I hope this gift will remind you that you will never be lost.  You will never be lost, because the you that exists is infinite.  It cannot be destroyed by the darkness of this world, for in you, exists an eternal light.  My main purpose of this gift is to remind you to never lose sight of who you really are.  As hard as it may seem, do not let the things of this world stifle the fire within you.  They are just things, and all things die, but the truth of your spirit is forever.  I love you with all of myself, my dearest heart.  Please be gentle, loving, and kind to yourself-you are a creature of divine creativity, un-ending possibility, and immense love.  Bring with you peace and peace will bless your life, make forever friends with love and love with bloom and grow all around you, look with awe and wonder at the world and the world will always be wondrous: you are a child of the earth, a being of the universe, and my most precious gift.  Never forget your inner being, for it is far brighter than the stars, and without you, who will illuminate the darkness of the night?  I love you far beyond the confines of the word.  Thank you for blessing my life.  You returned me to myself.

Forever your adoring mother,

Mom

P.S. This isn't the picture I would use, but it is a favorite tender moment of mine.  Cheers.

Reality as it relates to creativity

As I was searching my way through different blogs today, I couldn't help but be amazed at the level of creativity of some of my fellow bloggers.  I thought, wow, I wish I could have a tricked out blog, with a different background every week; I wish I could have such inspired home made gift ideas.  After a few minutes of pondering my own inadequacies, I realized, that I am my own worst enemy.  What I mean is that I often stifle my own creativity because for the longest time, I believed that creativity = 100% originality.  As I was searching through the blogs, I began to see a lot of the same basic concepts, but with personal tweeks.

That was my aha! moment.

All creativity comes from something that has already been created.  A painter doesn't look at a landscape and say I can't paint it, because trees have already been painted.  It's the fresh new perspective that allows for creativity.  I don't know why I allowed this ridiculous idea to stay fermenting in my brain, but hopefully with this realization, I can put those old, idle thoughts to bed.

"Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don’t bother concealing your thievery - celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: “It’s not where you take things from - it’s where you take them to."
— Jim Jarmusch

Mainly for me...

Books, books, and more books.  I need a place to list all the books I want to read, I figured what better place than a blog I rarely use, but is easily accessible, and won't clutter up my house.  Plus a few added pictures of Belle, reading and writing, getting her literary funk on.

 I can't get over how well she holds a pen...

 Is this normal for a one-year old?

Reading "Dora the explorer" with daddy.

Here be my list of books:

Freedom by Jonathon Franzen

The Corrections also by Jonathon Franzen

Say You're One of Them by Uwem Akpan

A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle (I might go buy this one tomorrow)

Where Am I Wearing by Kelsey Timmerman

Feminism in Our Time: The Essential Writings, World War II to the Present

By Miriam Schneir

Feminist Fairy Tales by Barbara G Walker

A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf

The Good Body by Eve Ensler

Dead Reckoning by Charlaine Harris

Darkly Dreaming Dexter by Jeff Lindsay

and all the other books in the "Dexter" series

the Courage Consort by Michel Faber

The Poe Shadow by Matthew Pearl

The Last Dickens also by Matthew Pearl

Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner

The Bone People by Keri Hulme

This should take me quite a while, but I have to add just a few more:

Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis

On Beauty by Zadie Smith

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith, I read this as a child

 but when I saw the book again, I thought I had to revisit it.

Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray

I think this is enough for now.  It will probably take me a good six months to read all of these, especially since I am already reading 3 books right now and I have at least 10 that are awaiting their turn on the shelf.    This list, coupled with motherhood, my full-time school schedule, and hubby time, will make me one over extended lady.

Here's to keeping things interesting. Cheers!

10 reasons I love having a daughter

1.  I can put cute bows in her hair

2. And pink shoes on her feet

3. She is not afraid to get dirty.

4. Whenever she is excited about something, I hear this feminine, high pitched voice exclaim, "oh."  It melts my heart.

5. She has the gentleness of a women the ferocity and she always know what she wants.

6. She will never be to cool for her mom or our adventures.

7. She is kind to animals and can't get enough of them.

8. She loves nature: she picks up leaves and sways to the whispering of the trees.  The other night she pointed out the moon to me.  I was amazed at how observant she is.  So we spent some time outside staring at the stars. And now, whenever I ask her where the stars are, she points at the sky.

9.  She already has to carry around her favorite accessories.  Preparing for the day, when she will carry a purse.

                                                                    (note the fork and spoon)

10.  She reminds me of the adventurous, pure, free-spirited girl that I was.  Which just pushes me harder to give her every opportunity to excel where I have made mistakes and teach her to love, respect, and cherish the child she is and the woman she will become.

Living...Learn about my daughter

She is self-motivated, eager to learn, and enjoys challenges.
It seems the more she can't do something the harder she tries.
When mastering a skill, it is all she can think about: which is why we had problems with her sleep, she would awake in the night, because she felt she had to master those first year skills.  Now that she's walking, she sleeps through the night. 

She is the most observant little child.  At four months, she noticed when her daddy changed his hair.  At three months, she was paying attention to the food that we ate, she even wanted to try it.

She has the most wonderful sense of humor.  There have been times, when sitting across from me at the dinner table, she has made the funniest facial expressions and noises and the more I laugh the more she performs, she enjoys the sounds of laughter.

She's fearless.

At 10 months old, she loves the water, even went rafting down the willamette river.

She is a true adventurer.

She loves dancing, books, music, and making mischief.

There has been so much that I have learned about my darling little girl.  But what I have noticed most is her intuitive, good-hearted nature.Without prompting, she gives kisses, and lately, when I hold her and pat her back, she pats mine.  It is the sweetest little gesture.  It shows me that already, she is capable of reciprocating comforting, loving actions on her own.  That loving others is something that she desires. 

She is so full of life.  What a lucky mommy I am. 

Having a baby was the best thing I ever did.  Having Ella was best gift the earth has ever given. 

Living...Listen to live music in the park.

This summer has been filled with so many wonderful adventures.  I have been blessed to share Ella's first summer with so many people who love her, and as her first birthday approaches, I feel both excitement and apprehension.  She is not my petite enfant any longer.  My little bundle has turned into a social butterfly.  My parents, my Uncle, Joe, Ella, and I attended the Bite of Salem this year and where other years it has been disappointing, this year was a blast. 

There was food:

Shopping:

Some really beautiful Peruvian bags and sweaters, I loved the colors and the fabrics.

And of course, live music.  They were a couple of jazz bands that were pretty awesome, not to mention a couple of drunk people who were really getting down.

I took a picture of this girl because I thought her outfit was beautiful and unique.  An interesting specimen.

My dad danced with Ella

Joe and I danced.
And my mom socialized.

It was good fun.  We'll see about next year.

Ella's new friend Miley couldn't stop kissing her, it was too cute.